Remember when UFC president Dana White preceded the season 10 premiere of The Ultimate Fighter by swearing up and down that this would be the biggest, best and craziest season yet? Now that we're two-thirds into the season, let's take a look at Dana's words. Biggest? Yes - unlike the Season 2 heavyweights, most of these guys are pushing a legit 265 pounds. Craziest? Well, if by "crazy" you mean that it's insane that most of these guys can't make it through one round without completely gassing, then yes. But "best"? Not even close. The fights have ranged from pathetic to merely decent, the coaching has been abysmal, and even the reality-show drama has been light. Now, as the quarterfinal round gets under way, we are being led to believe that Kimbo Slice may be re-entering the competition. As long as you ignore the rumors that Kimbo will be fighting Houston Alexander at next month's TUF finale, and as long as you ignore the fact that the show's producers have already cried "wolf" once this season, feel free to believe that the "streetfighting legend" will get back into the cage before season's end.

Tonight’s episode begins by reminding us that this week’s show will feature the season’s first quarterfinal matchup, a bout between Roy Nelson and Justin Wren. A voiceover announcer refers to Roy as the “Kimbo slayer”; Justin, meanwhile, is apparently now known as “the kid who put (Wes) Sims to sleep.” Big deal – pretty much everyone on this show has come close to putting me to sleep with their boring, plodding fights.

As we see footage of the seedier side of Las Vegas (and think of the ground that covers), our routine scenery is abruptly interrupted by the presence of the TUF van. Looks like someone just graduated from film school. It’s a reality show; do we really need Woody Allen-type stylistics? Coach Rashad Evans talks about his team having gone 7-1 in the prelims, and wonders how he will train them to fight each other. At the gym, he assembles his fighters, and lets them know that while everyone will practice together, the coaches won’t really do any instructing. In other words, Team Rashad has become Team Rampage.

Team Rashad starts to train, and Roy and Justin spend much of their time watching each other work out. Roy even jokes around with Justin, offering to teach him some things. No thanks, Roy – I’m sure Justin can figure out on his own how to eat three Whoppers in a single sitting. Roy says they are friends, and wants the fight to be over with already, so they can be buddies again and “go back to giggling.” Because apparently that’s what grown men do.

Matt Mitrione may have won his fight against Scott Junk a couple of weeks back, but he is still feeling the effects of what happens when you stand without defending yourself and let a professional fighter punch you in the head a bunch of times. Matt says that the bout “made me a little stupid for a little while.” Sorry, Matt, but in your case I’m afraid stupid is forever. In addition to complaining that his “brain hurts,” Matt is also now claiming to be light sensitive. His teammates aren’t buying it, however, and think he is merely being dramatic. As he appears to nearly slide out of his seat during the van ride home, Matt’s teammates totally no-sell him and carry on discussions about food. Later, at the house, fellow ex-NFL player Brendan Schaub checks on him, and thinks that Matt has probably suffered a concussion. Everyone assumes he will probably not be able to continue in the competition, and before long Kimbo is being congratulated on getting what appears to be a second chance to win the show.

Apparently, the fact that Matt has become “stupid for a little while” has sent out a beacon to all like-minded people, as opposing coach Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has caught wind of it. Rampage has heard that Matt was throwing up and “talking crazy.” Sounds like Rampage has finally found someone who speaks his language. The coach is making it perfectly clear that he would like to see Kimbo have the chance to replace Matt because he is the most improved person on the show. Assistant coach Tiki Ghosn agrees, saying that Kimbo is a guy with a killer instinct who “won’t get in there and display his well-rounded skills.” Because, after all, who would want to coach someone like that?

Team Rashad arrives at the gym, and we learn that Matt has not yet returned from an overnight hospital stay. Teammate James McSweeney mocks Matt’s claim to have “brain damage.” Way to be a team player, James. Everyone talks about the possibility of Matt leaving the competition, and Rashad says he’d be OK with Kimbo getting the chance to come back for another shot.

As Team Rashad trains, Rampage and Tiki spend time helping their team’s lone quarterfinalist prepare for his upcoming fight…I mean, Rampage and Tiki are outside the gym with a bunch of live chickens. Rampage says that Rashad and his assistants are cocky, so he has decided to give them “some cocks.” I know Rampage is supposedly frustrated about his team’s losing record, but stealing two-year-old jokes and prank ideas from DX? Please. Rampage and Tiki dump the chickens into the opposing coaches’ cars, then hide in the parking lot to see their reaction. Though Rampage intended for the prank to anger Team Rashad, its coaches instead come outside smiling and laughing. The coaches’ ability to no-sell the prank is the only thing funny about this segment. As Rashad and his cohorts gleefully chase the chickens around the parking lot, Rampage vows to return with yet another prank. Hey Rampage, since you’re a DX fan, I’ve got two words for you: Please, no.

Finally released from the hospital, Matt returns to the house. Apparently unfazed by the non-reaction his silly-string stunt received last week, Wes Sims asks Matt how his gynecologist appointment was. Is Matt’s temporary stupidity contagious or something? Matt ignores him, then passes Kimbo on the stairs. Kimbo asks what the doctor said; Matt replies simply, “He rattled my brain.” I’m assuming he means Scott, not the doctor. Although this is Matt we’re talking about…. Kimbo says that simply by going to the hospital, Matt has already pulled out of the competition. Apparently he doesn’t remember that Rashad won Season 2 in spite of a hospital trip following one of his fights. As we go to commercial, we see Matt stumble around house, trying his best to look disoriented for the cameras.

Later that evening, UFC president Dana White shows up at the house, and has trouble closing the door behind him. To rephrase what he said last week, the only thing worse than being a door on this show, is being someone who can’t figure out how to close a door on this show. Dana finds Matt, and asks if he plans to fight again. Matt says that, yes, he wants to fight again…then starts piling on the caveats, saying things like “as long as I don’t get lightheaded” and “as long as I can do some cardio.” Scott, the guy responsible for at least some of Matt’s temporary stupidity, walks by and tells Dana that he’s ready to fight again if Matt can’t go. Dana lets us know that the UFC cares about guys with head trauma, and will keep an eye on Matt. He then actually says that anytime a guy has a headache, “we take it seriously.” I’m having a hard time taking that seriously. How many times have we seen Dana on this show, chastising fighters for not wanting to compete in the face of potentially serious injuries? Matt says the doctor will make the final call, and “if he sees something that’s worse than it was before I fought Justin – I mean, Junk – then it is what it is.”

Apparently, the producers of this show have suddenly remembered that their program is not called The Ultimate Chicken Rancher or The Ultimate Over-actor, and have decided to get back to the purpose of this week’s episode: to find out who our first semifinalist will be. James thinks Justin will win, since he is younger and more athletic; Kimbo, however, gives the nod to the man who supposedly slayed him, since Roy has “a very solid foundation.” According to Kimbo, Justin is nothing more than a fat kid who got caught eating donuts out of the fridge. I didn’t know people refrigerate their donuts, but OK. Brendan predicts a stand-up war, since Roy has world-class jiu-jitsu, while Justin has world-class jiu-jitsu defense and is a world-class wrestler. I guess that would make Brendan a world-class exaggerator.

After an uneventful weigh-in, Dana says that Roy has shown him nothing this season, while Justin has been impressive. Because Dana’s weigh-in predictions are wrong pretty much 100% of the time, I’m guessing that Roy will advance to the semifinals.

It’s Fight Day, and for the first time this season, we see the two combatants eating breakfast together – a donut-free breakfast for Justin, incidentally. Roy thinks that, because of his extensive MMA experience, the 22-year-old Justin probably looks up to him, and says they will be lifelong friends. Justin believes he is in better shape than Roy, which will allow him to push the action. Justin then goes into platitude mode, promising that he and Roy will “leave it all on the line…fight our hearts out…see who’s the better man.” I’m yawning, and not because it’s now 10:40 p.m. Roy says he needs two more wins in order to avoid incurring the wrath of the most dangerous opponent he could face – his wife.

After a thousand or so closeups of ring girl Arianny Celeste parading around the cage, we’re ready to get started. The two fighters show sportsmanship by touching gloves, a sign that Team Rampage is not represented. Guess I’d better get used to saying that. Justin comes out aggressive, landing some pretty good punches before Roy can grab him and rush him into fence. Roy holds him there for a while, throwing some inside knees to Justin’s legs. Before long, referee Josh Rosenthal is breaking them, and they return to the center of the cage. Suddenly, Justin has become noticeably less aggressive, moving forward a couple of times in spurts but otherwise appearing more patient. Roy also appears reluctant to expend too much energy, and short of a couple of quick, decent exchanges, there is pretty much no action for the rest of the round. On the bright side, at least neither guy seems totally gassed yet.

As we prepare for Round 2, Arianny makes another appearance, which Team Rampage fighter Zak Jensen and his coach notice. Zak looks impressed – hopefully Wes Sims will be wearing sandals when it’s his turn to shower tonight. In between rounds, James tells Justin to use his alleged world-class wrestling. In the early going of Round 2, Justin looks more tired – ironic, considering he said earlier that he was in better shape. Roy is still being conservative, so aside from the occasional wild haymaker from Justin, not a lot is happening. Two minutes in, Justin tries for an incredibly sloppy takedown, which of course fails. The standup “war” continues, with Roy starting to find a home for his leg kick. Both guys are landing shots, albeit sporadically, but I’m starting to think that if Dana was unimpressed with Roy before, he’s going to pretty much hate him now. The fight ends, and while it could conceivably go either way, the decision will not be a controversial one. After all, “controversy” would imply that someone cares about the outcome. Most people at cageside – including Rashad, flanked by real-life teammate Keith Jardine – think it’s going to a third round. Considering it’s now 10:57, I kind of doubt it.

Before we find out who won, we get the usual post-fight recap. Dana says that Justin came out and “absolutely destroys” Roy in the first round. If it was a 1-minute round, then yes. Rashad says that Justin was tired in the second round, a soundbite that accompanies recap footage of teammate/cornerman James begging Justin to keep his hands up. Either James has forgotten his own fight against Wes Shivers, or he lives in a glass house.

We have a winner – Roy, by majority decision. Roy claims to have controlled the fight with his jab and hook. And here I thought he controlled it with his outright refusal to engage. Afterward, Dana shakes Roy’s hand and says “good job”…then lets us know how awful his performance was. Dana says that the day we see Roy make a fight exciting, “I will give him his props.” But by congratulating him and saying “good job,” didn’t you just do that?

Random thoughts:

Don’t you think Roy just loves having us hear that, after all he has accomplished in MMA, he has been reduced to being the “Kimbo slayer”?

Rather than have to train his guys to fight each other, why wasn’t Rashad forced to send some of his guys to Team Rampage for the quarterfinals, as has been done in previous seasons?

Although, even if he had been forced, would Rashad have balked at the idea because he remembers being sent to work with Matt Hughes’ team during Season 2?

After having trained together for weeks, did Roy and Justin really think they would learn anything new about each other by sneaking glances of mitt-hitting sessions?

When Matt was allegedly about to fall out of his seat in the van, did anyone else have a flashback to Gabe Ruediger dramatically falling out the sauna during Season 5?

If Matt in fact can’t continue on the show, why would everyone in the house assume Kimbo would automatically get the chance to replace him?

Considering that they were promoting a pretty lackluster main event, weren’t tonight’s UFC 106 promos pretty cool?

Why did Tiki think that Kimbo’s one-dimensional style was a good thing, when it already cost him his preliminary-round fight with Roy?

Why did Rashad say he’d like to see Kimbo replace Matt, instead of wanting his own eliminated fighter (Mike Wessel) to get back in the competition?

Am I the only one whose high-school classmates were more mature than Rampage and Tiki?

Could Team Rampage have won more fights if their coaches put as much effort into planning fights as they did into planning pranks?

Does anyone else suspect that the UFC will probably be getting a phone call from PETA?

If the animal-control officers refused to take the chickens, stating they would likely be killed, why would they allow them to be set free in an industrial part of Las Vegas?

I mean, did they really think the chickens’ chance of survival would be any better out there?

Did you notice Matt trying to make us think he was blind, as he stumbled around the house upon returning from the hospital?

Did Dana struggle with the door at the house as a way to stall for more camera time?

Did we really need to see Scott pushing on his fluid-filled black eye?

With ratings-magnet Kimbo in the wings, does anyone really think Scott would get the call first?

Still, given that he would have been the one who prevented Matt from continuing, wouldn’t it actually be more fair to let Scott back in before Kimbo?

When Dana claimed to care about his fighters’ injuries, did anyone else wonder if he only said it because former TUF contestant Mikey Burnett is currently suing the show’s producers for injuries sustained during Season 4?

When Matt mistook “Junk” for “Justin” during his confessional interview, who honestly believes that he couldn’t remember whom he’d fought?

Given Roy’s rather bulbous mid-section, was Kimbo’s donut story really the best metaphor to use to promote Roy’s superiority over Justin?

When Roy transitioned from standing in Kimbo’s guard to a single-leg Boston crab during the commercial-break feature, was I the only one thinking how cool it would be if someone actually used that in a fight?

Why is Roger Huerta on the huge mural inside the UFC Training Center, immortalized alongside legends and champions like Wanderlei Silva, Anderson Silva and Georges St-Pierre?

If you weren’t already laughing at Brendan’s claims that Justin is a world-class wrestler, did his pathetic takedown attempt during Round 2 change your mind?

After their two-round snoozefest, why would Rashad want to see Roy and Justin go to sudden victory?

Considering that two of the three judges gave Roy the first round, did Dana really believe that Justin came out and absolutely destroyed him?

If Dana was so unimpressed with Roy’s performance, why did he say “good job” to him?

How long are the producers of this show going to dangle the “Will Kimbo replace Matt” carrot in front of us?

Given Matt’s well-documented history of overselling his injuries, why would we believe he is on the verge of dropping out?

Did anyone else groan when they saw that the coaches’ challenge is returning next week?

Still, if it gives us even a momentary break from the Matt drama, are you OK with it?

Mark Carpowich can be contacted at markcarpowich@hotmail.com.